My Life is Dorky

1.       At the first concert I went to, I got my arm caught between a large ladies boobs and it was rather difficult to get it unstuck.
2.       I was asked, “What school is this,” by a guy from my college. I told him then he said, “No like the one that’s here now?” I explained to him that I didn’t know then he asked, “Do you know where the yallo went?” Before I could answer he just left.
3.       In a dance class I’m taking, the dance instructor (who’s an older man) was using the girl I was dancing with to show the next move. When I came back to dance with her, I realized he left me really bad gas. The girl wouldn’t talk and I was trying my hardest not to gag.
4.       Ever sense I have graduated, I have had four girls who have confessed they always liked me and another three who asked me if they would go out with me. One stranger wanted to have a one night stand with me; she asked me in person.
5.       My friend was asked by a guy at the college if she would be his, “vampiress.”
6.       The first concert I performed in for a jazz band I was in (mid-school to high-school), I got electrocuted by the electric guitar. It was minor and I still managed to play without making it too obvious I was in pain.
7.       A very flamboyant man (in his late 40’s) kinda stalked me my first term in college. First I saw him in the library where he told me how, “cute” I was. He finished before I did in the library, but when I walked out, he was waiting for me. He talked to me about life and his last relationship. Then I saw him around every so often and he’d always wink at me. One day he asked if I would be his new roommate, he even offered to pay for all the expenses.
8.       I have never won a game of chest, not even on the computer.
9.       When I worked at a summer camp, I had a camper who was a little bit shorter than me in 6th grade. He was able to completely throw me out of the swimming pool.
10.   I was on a church camp out and my dad completely pantsed me in front of everyone. (I was 9).
11.   Another camp out, I was going tubing behind a boat. I was trying to purposely fall out, then my shorts fell off and I was still in the tube. I let go completely and jumped out.
12.   I was trying to impress a life guard when I was twelve. I did a flip into the pool and my head hit the diving bored.
13.   I had never touched an electric fence before and I wanted to see what it felt like so I touched purposely and screamed very loudly. (I have a lot of stories about being shocked, that’s why all my screen names have “Shock” in them and that’s where my camp name “Shock” came from.)
14.   I was on omegle and I was having a very cool conversation with a man (looked like he was in his 30’s) then kept on asking me to “show.” It was really weird because we were talking about being a Christian before that. Then he started stripping so I disconnected for the night.
15.   The movie “40 year old virgin” taught me what a virgin was. It was really awkward because I watched it with my family and we didn’t know “unrated” meant NC-17. Before unrated meant it just wasn’t rated rather than it has nudity.

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