You know, I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t care about what people do in life… And by that I mean, I don’t care what your job is, things you are apart of and stuff like that… it’s not personal to me. I hate it when people ask me about that kind of stuff because it almost becomes how they see me… Its a description of me sure, but its not just me… There is a lot more to me than being a guy who’s musical, wants to be a teacher, and is currently not in school… And when I meet new people as of late, I don’t often know what they do… But I sure get to know them quick. What a person does in life doesn’t really always reflect who they are… I want to get to know a persons personality, their sense of humor, things they stand for in life… I want to be personal with people. You might argue that all the other stuff is being personal, but I don’t know… If I got to know what their job was, I want to really know their job. I’d want to know what they do who they work with, how they feel about it and well… All that stuff… I guess I don’t really care about the title of the job or anything… Just I want to know the actual person not the title of the person.
I am saying this because to a lot of people I’ve been “a music guy” then they ask me a hundred questions about what I do in music… But they don’t take the time to hear me and its just awkward small talk. Then they refer to me as a guy who likes music and then they just limit me to just that…. When you just get to know the title of a person… You limit them to just that title. The same goes to having been unemployed for awhile or even being employed… I am more than that…
Why not get to know many things about people… In many aspects? That quiet guy might only be quiet because you refer to him as that quiet guy. Maybe even people with like a CEO title, maybe (like MAYBE) people just kept referring to him/her as that businessman, limiting them just to that. Then since thats all they hear other people say about them, they become just that businessman, which might be why they got the CEO title… But everyone, including himself, might just see him/her as only that.
I guess I am saying that because I notice people limit people in many ways… For myself some see me as the music guy, family see’s me as a quiet guy, which makes it hard for me to show them that I can be outgoing, some see me as however I grew up… And to be honest when thats all I hear people say about me, then it makes it hard for me to even know who I really am.
Really when you just see people as one title, you could miss out on a great friend, or if they do something wonderful, you might be that one person who still only see’s them as “whatever” it is… Or in a worse case scenario, then you might make it difficult for that person to find personal growth. They also might just want to live up to the expectations as to what everyone thinks of them as well…
In the end I want to say something… This is probably a passive aggressive post… And I don’t even feel bad about it… I feel like what I have to say will help people making friends and victims of having a single title to know that people do this. And to be completely forward:
To my family I am not quiet. I am not just a musician. I grew up being very shy yes. But when you think of me as just quiet your making me feel… Quiet. I hate it when the only conversations I have with family and church friends is just music. That’s all you know me for is that I was apart of music then you think I am quiet and you’re limiting my conversation which is making it hard for me to come out of that “quiet” box.
To people I went to high school with; I am not super opinionated. I used to post stuff that was on facebook because that was really the only place I could talk about it.. But now I hate talking about it. I hate it when I try to make a post thats not political or religious and it becomes this heated argument. I like discussions and I used to try to start them with “‘opinionated topics” but things always got out of hand and I missed stuff and then I read what you write and I start thinking of you as the person who feels that way… And I also limit you to just that… And it makes seeing you in person that much more awkward.
To the friends I made in college/or the ones that I just generally hung out with more after high school; yeah ok I can be quiet at first then you get to know me and I am probably the most outgoing guy you know who only ever jokes around. Being the funny guy is certainly the one title I enjoy most, but I am still more than just that.. Its a title that’s never bothered me until I hadn’t seen a lot of you for a while. I rarely reach out and when I do I want to get caught up, but I guess being the funny guy has limitted me to that where you have more important things than the “funny” guy… That sounds harsh but some of you have suggested that.
And to those friends I’ve made post-college… Chances are I’ve only really chatted with you on facebook and we just hung out a couple times…. I’ve learned meeting new people when you’re an adult is hard. I am more than a guy who posts often on facebook. I am more than a guy who doesn’t have a nice or cool job. I am Keith freaking Kunze and there’s a lot to me that would make me an amazing friend, partner, and well… Just get to know me and know who I am.
So really, when you get to know someone, get to know them.